Sheepish
by steelcrash
Summary: Duke ends up the victim of a prank.


Falcon was sitting in the mess hall, drinking coffee and reading the sports section of a USA Today someone had left at a table. He was feeling antisocial and really wanted to be left alone. Duke had been riding his ass especially hard lately and he couldn't take any more looks of pity or ridicule. He loved his brother but he didn't much like him at the moment. Somebody was obviously pushing the first sergeant so Duke took it out on the one person he could get away with-his brother.

Falcon had his mug to his lips, ready to take a sip when he heard someone cough. He nearly dropped the mug in surprise but set it and the paper down to see who was bugging him.

He looked up to see Firewall sitting across from him. She looked nervous, her arms folded and kept glancing at the door, as if she was fearful someone would come in.

The lieutenant raised an eyebrow.

"I need your help," she finally said, meeting his gaze.

"With what?"

"A project."

A little later, Firewall was presenting Falcon with her "project." Falcon frowned when he glanced a the list Firewall gave him, but started to grin as he went down the line.

"This is a fine piece of work," he finally said.

Firewall sat down beside him. "I think you'll find No. 36 particularly inspiring. . ."

Two days later. . .

Conrad Hauser swatted at the alarm clock until he found the "off" button and waited a few seconds before rolling out of bed. He padded half-awake to the bathroom, barely aware the door was closed. His sleepy mind couldn't fathom why the door was shut because he usually left it open when the facilities weren't being used.

He opened the door and stepped into the bathroom, only to find he wasn't alone.

A lone sheep came bounding out the door, knocking Duke down as it went. He hit the floor and sat there a few seconds before finally realizing there was a species of livestock running free around his quarters. And it also dawned on him that there was only one way it got there-someone put it there and it wasn't him.

He got up, dusted himself off and made his first attempt at catching the already-riled ewe. Duke walked slowly toward the sheep, sheep, whistling. Unfortunately, she didn't seem to like being whistled at like a dog and bolted, leaping over his bed. She landed with a thud and commenced to make a shambles of his living quarters as he chased her around.

Finally, the ewe sought refuge in the bathroom. Duke followed, making his stand right inside the door. Cornered, the ewe did the only thing she could, and being a sheep and therefore not the smartest member of the animal kingdom, ran at him.

Duke sidestepped the sheep and made a grab for the handcuff collar as she dashed by. He held on and as she ran, he was jerked to the floor with a very loud thud.

In the hall. . .

Flint and Hawk walked down the hall, discussing the day's business when they heard a ruckus in Duke's quarters. The throw open the door and saw a sight that would go down in base infamy.

Duke, clad only in his boxers, had a sheep by its armpits, trying to wrest it back into the bathroom so he could at least contain it. It was struggling and even though he had a hold of the handcuff collar the ewe was wearing, she wouldn't budge.

The sheep was also wearing a kilt, which was unusual in itself but he was still trying to decide what he was going to do to whatever friend had put the sheep in his room to even notice.

The next day. . .

Firewall stood at attention in Hawk's office, her expression unreadable but her eyes gave her away as she watched her commanding officer flip open the case holding the disc in his hand.

"Is this the last remaining copy?" he asked, locking eyes with the computer specialist.

"Yes sir," Firewall said.

Hawk closed the case and set it down on his desk. "This conversation never happened. You're free to go."

Firewall snapped him a sloppy salute and bolted out of the office as fast as she could go. Hawk waited until she was gone and then threw back his head and laughed long and hard. Somehow, the young hacker had managed to pull off the best practical joke anyone had ever pulled on the base and on Duke to boot. He didn't know who her accomplice was but she had to have had help to pull off the prank. He only hoped they waited a very long time to pull another stunt. As it was, the Joes would be talking about it for years.

He also wasn't naive enough to believe Firewall, but he knew she was good. That was why she was still a member of the team.

At the same time, in the mess hall, Falcon tensed as Duke walked by, his gaze on his brother. Falcon didn't look up, merely continued eating his breakfast as the sergeant passed by, trying to find clues that would give away whoever had played a prank that was quickly becoming an embarrassment for him and undermining his already tenuous authority.

When he found out who was responsible, there would be hell to pay. Especially if his younger brother was in any way responsible. Retribution would be swift and terrible and particularly vile. And would come when Falcon would least expect it. Except it looked like Falcon was innocent. Along with every other person on the base.

Finally, he got his breakfast and sat down at a table by himself. If he couldn't nab who got him, he'd nail the whole damn base. . .


End file.
